Psalm 68:1-10, 33-36
1 Peter 4:12-14, 5:6-11
John 17:1-11
Why I am a Christian Part II – I am a person of prayer.
Perhaps you can tell from my sermons, or my articles in The Acorn, but if you haven’t figured it out, I am a writer. I feel the most clear, and the most freedom to express myself, my thoughts and feelings with a pen in my hand and a notebook in my lap.
Clearing out a bookshelf in my bedroom this week I put together an entire box of journals and notebooks. I started this habit of carrying thoughts, ideas, song lyrics, definitions, poems in a notebook the summer I turned 14. I probably got the idea from the book Harriet the Spy – where the main character’s goal was to write down everything that she observed in the whole world – though as a 10 year old, she mostly focused on her unusual neighbors. There was always something comforting to me about having my pen and paper – ready to capture my real life moments.
I guess that’s probably where I discovered the practice of writing my prayers –I liked the idea the time capsule of a moment – and sharing that self with is older wiser, later me. but I’ll say more about that in a minute.
I would journal too, sporadically at times, chronicling the events of boys I was interested in, trips I had gone on, or experiences I had been through. And that practice, of looking back in reflection, sometimes elicited new ideas and understandings of a situation. Certainly looking at these old journals now, it is a wonder to read and know both my intimate and obvious thoughts based on statements and recorded actions.
One thing I have learned as I have read through these old entries is that I have always had a strong sense of self, and though I have learned and grown and matured, I have almost always been authentically me. My thoughts, ideas, actions – fairly straightforward, and clear – though not always outward or public – I have been known to be pretty introverted at times – shocking I know – but true.
I think this is why I have kept so many written papers and assignments from as far back as Jr. High school – because to read my own words – I am reminded that I am who I am and somehow I have always known that.
Perhaps that is how I came to be a writer of my most intimate prayers. Littered throughout notebooks, journals, scratch paper, things floating around in the midst of my memorabilia are letters that start, “Dear God.”
Some are more simple than others: just lists of names – of loved ones and lost ones. Some are poetic words, prepared for a toast or blessing for a friend. Some are copies or drafts of letters written to dear friends – for a graduation, for their wedding, at the birth of a child, the loss of a grandparent…
The art of writing a prayer is not in the high caliber of language used, “thee’s & thou’s,” “shalts” and “shalt nots”… but in the connection of deep resonance with what is being offered. Here is the part of my heart, my sprit, my depths that is calling out to you God – in joy, in grief, in thanksgiving, in sorrow, in praise, in confession, in hope, in love, in my most authentic voice.
Dear God, I am here. Let my words, actions, deeds, deepest love and deepest disappointments be in line with your will, your call in my life.
My letters, my prayers to God – they are my authentic offering to God – and that is how I know they are holy, and they are heard.
In today’s Gospel, we hear the voice of Jesus – praying. We hear the fourth evangelist John speaks in the first person voice of Jesus in his prayer for his disciples and his followers – Jesus’ prayer for us.
The author of John was a writer as well and one whose voice is complex and sometimes difficult to comprehend – on a first hearing, rather than studied. I wanted to hear Jesus voice as I waded through the Gospel today, so I did what I know how to do in my prayers and in my way. I listened to John, and I wrote Jesus’ prayer as a letter to God. This is what I heard.
Dear God,
My time is up.
I’ve done what I came here to do – to share the promise of eternal life with your people. And eternal life, God, is the gift of knowing you and me.
I finished the work you sent me here to do – and glorified your name.
I have given them the words you gave me.
They know you because they know me.
And they believe what is true – that I cam from you.
You have entrusted them to me – and I have been glorified in them.
Now that I am coming to you, you who gave me to them, and them to me,
I ask that your protection be upon them
So that they may be one, as we are one.
Jesus prayed. In each gospel we have very different voices that give us an experience of our teacher’s words, wisdom and prayers. Jesus didn’t write down his own words – and so the authenticity of voice is not the same when written by the author of John, or by me… but the message is the same.
Jesus came into this world, not to condemn it, but to save sinners. And in our deepest, most authentic voices, we are called to pray just as Jesus did. Our prayers, when they come from our depths, when they are spoken, or breathed, or sung, or kept hidden – even from our selves, they belong to God, just as we belong to God. Jesus was entrusted to us, just as we who follow him were entrusted with his message of truth – of life beyond this world, and to live a life of thanksgiving – trusting in the truth that our brothers and sisters the disciples received, and that truth which has been passed on to us through experiences of community and relationships. God is in our midst. God hears and answers our prayers.
When I write my prayers – they come from the very deepest part of myself – parts that I sometimes don’t want to see, don’t want to look at, don’t want to read. But I write them because I must, because not only are they mine, they are also God’s. And I trust that that is the place where I can truly give them over to God. How do you pray? When and where do you pray? And is it your deepest most authentic voice that calls out to God in your prayers? May our prayers as a people, as individuals and as a community, be spoken in our most authentic voice – giving to God what is God’s, and being God’s people in this world – so that we may be one, as the Lord our God and Christ Jesus our Saviour, and the Holy Spirit, are one. Amen.
